Day In And Day Out

When I dreamed of being a mom I never thought about the moment to moment struggles. And if you are a mom you know that every moment there is some sort of struggle.

I am a "like to stay busy person." I like to get up with a plan, spend the day executing the plan, and go to bed starting to work out tomorrows plan.

I knew kids would help me stay busy. So, I of course went a little overboard and made a few extra just to make sure I would have enough to do during the day. You know ...have enough to keep my "busy".

Never in my wildest dreams would I have figured that large parts of my time being "busy" would be spent sitting in the same spot collecting rocks and leaves from a proud 15 month old. I never could have conceived the pure joy that comes from being the most important part of HER task, the mom with the open hand!!

I Love Pink

What would I do without so much pink in my life? I know I would be wanting more pink. I don't know if I have mentioned this here but, I LOVE HAVING 4 Daughters!!

I of course love my stern little Jack...but my girls will be my best friends later in life and as some of you know I like having friends.

People always ask me if I want more babies. Here is my answer as of April 14, 2010 at 2:56...KIND OF!! I want another girl so
Priscilla will have a sister to be best buds with. Yes I know she can be best buds with Lucy...but Lucy is best buds with Jack and Jack does not like to share Lucy. On the other hand I want a brother for Jack REALLY BAD!! So that brings me up to needing 2 more kids.

I am not sure if I am equipt to handle 2 more kids...actually 2 more pregnancies. I already feel like my kids are just a bit "dirtier" than they should be....add 2 more and we may be getting the state involved.

I Love Red

I love red. I love red fruit. I love red Doritos.

I love red paint. I love red almost everywhere.

I especially love red sandals that house dirty toes....

on the wrong foot!! I LOVE RED!!

I Interrupt This Program

I am interrupting the regular scheduled blog to get back to my day to day life. It is Pete’s turn to write the next chapter for our Financial Love Story. But in usual fashion life has gotten in the way of fun blog posts…go figure!

We all had a great Easter. My brother and his family came to visit and every minute was packed with fun and children. I have to sort through all the pics before I share some of those moments.

I just wanted to make a simple observation. It is so simple and silly I think I may delete the post before publishing. You see, today a friend has my 2 older girls. That left me with 2 toddlers and a walking baby. I am usually with all 5 so having 2 less always feels so different, so EASY!! I know it should seem harder with the 3 little ones but this is what I notice. When it is just 1 age group I have an easier time managing them. The tricky part comes with managing 2 different age groups.

When I have just the girls and no babies things are REALLY FUN and EASY!! Having just the little people also seems REALLY FUN and EASY. I can sit at the indoor play area of Chic-Fil-A and occasionally kiss a boo-boo or watch someone go down the slide. CAKE WALK!!

Now you add the girls to that same scene and it turns into some mental work…

“Mama, can we have a milkshake?” “Mama, remember we needed to go to Barnes and Noble to get me my 3000th book.” “Mama did Mrs. So and So call to say if Rebecca can come over? Can we just go pick her up on the way home?” “What’s for dinner?” “What do you think sharks think about?” “Mama, can I have a milkshake now?”

These little guys are so much fun though. They don’t know what they are missing. They don’t ask for a milkshake. They don’t ask what’s for dinner.

They just want you to be there and not miss a minute of them laughing and falling.

I have fun with both age groups. It’s just nice to get a day every now and again to be a mom to just little kids. They really are so much fun!!

Enough About Cars Already!!

Ok!! I forgot all about the Jetta. I am sure I forgot because it was one of the most impulsive car purchases we ever did. That is of course until we made the impulsive car purchase one night after dinner after we moved to San Diego and I got my first teaching job. You know the feeling,…we thought we were loaded because someone told me I would be making 22,000 a year. That combined with Pete’s salary we thought we owned the world and we instantly needed another car to go with the new job. Never mind we had not collected one red cent from me teaching and we had already spent more than ½ of it.

I am getting WAY ahead of myself here. I realize from the way things look right now Pete and I were not exactly the sharpest tacks…especially when it came to car purchases. And for the life of me I am not sure why we felt the need to keep swapping out cars. Neither of us are big car people. We are not the type who asks for new rims for Christmas..so why the need to keep swapping cars?? I think when you are first getting your feet planted in the world as an independent adult the fastest way to show people you have arrived is to actual have a nice car to arrive in.

I have since LOWERED my standards GREATLY and now drive a 2001 Suburban with 115,000 miles on it that we have owned for 7 years. We are growing out of it quickly and things are literally falling apart on a weekly basis but the car runs like a champ, is very reliable and I feel like she is part of the family. She has brought home 4 of the 5 babies I made (none in the car..hehee).

Anyway, off the whole car thing for a moment. Let’s get back to 1998 after we bought the Jetta where soon after Pete got accepted into flight school. At the very same time he was supposed to be checking into Pensacola his ship was being deployed for another 3 months and they would not let him leave until after they returned from deployment. But you see I was a girl on a mission at this point in my own life. Because falling in love with Pete put me behind in my own schooling I was now focused on wrapping up this teaching degree that I had taken out about 20,000 in student loans for. I wanted to finish my degree while Pete got his wings. I applied to University of West Florida and decided I would leave right away, while he was on deployment, set up house until he was able to come. I always have a solution and it usually requires one of us to do something VERY quickly. That person is usually me!! Hey, God made me that way…I move fast and sometimes make lots of mistakes on the way. Other times I am moving so fast I have no time for mistakes. You be the judge this time!

A few things stand out to me that happened in P’cola that pertain to our Financial Love Story. I will say this before ending , we had no investments, student loan debt adding up , a leased car, a wife who like to spend money. I mostly spent money on having a good time. I wish I could say I was spending money on fine jewels and high fashion clothing. But as I look back at some of my pictures during this time period it looks to me like I was eating and drinking all of our money ….(notice how there are NO pictures of me during this time period).

That’s all for now. Let me know what you guys are thinking…

Have We Got A Deal For You

So as you can imagine Pete's memory is a bit different than mine.  I could care less about gas prices.  Getting rid of the Jeep because my hair was always a mess and a cat peed in it one night was all the motivation I needed to live in the luxury of new car smell...I will let Pete tell you the rest...

I think couples make the majority of their worst financial decisions when they make their first car purchase. They get rolled over by the purchase of the car and that hubris never seems to go away. Borrow more money? Sure, why not? Everybody does it! Does what? Borrow money until the cows come home. That purchase is so important because it sets in stone the myth of how debt is needed in your life. I overheard someone once say, “yup, got a new car! Just can’t seem to get away from car payments”!

You would hope that be the second or third go around, the wise Pete would be a bit wiser. Alas, tis not to be true.

Back to the story. Well , after yet another grueling day of filling up the tank with $45 in gas, we both decided that the Jeep was not practical. Practically speaking, that was an understatement. Getting around in car that was 6 feet off the ground is great when you are an Army Sergeant in Post WWII reconstruction Berlin; it’s not so great when you live in the relatively domestic, rubble-free thoroughfares of .com-San Francisco.

Anyway, we hung out with a couple that made a wee bit more than we did. She was a nurse, he was a slightly senior officer on the cutter that I was on. Often, the four of us would go out to dinner, movies, cocktails and more, and, on one particular and fateful night, we all pulled into a Volkswagen dealer.

I am sure the car lot flies could smell the fresh meat (and impaired judgment) of the twenty something’s that just dropped out of the sky. The more affluent couple were pulled one direction, and Lisa and I another. We were shown a Jetta. It was very Euro-cool. Sleek, but boxy-sporty, but rugged. And, here’s the kicker…It came with a free snowboard. Talk about status. We wanted it and Volkswagen was all but thrilled to oblige. So we went through the motions of getting the car, sitting in it, test driving it, opening the trunk, and getting pulled into an office while someone went to get our licenses back. While we were stuck in the blasé deal making room, Lisa and I heard a round of applause! Lo! There were our friends, new Passat keys in hand, with a semi-circle of applauding, rabid, grinning car salesman surrounding them.

I wanted the Jetta and Lisa wanted the Jetta (and the applause) but it was too expensive, especially since we were upside down on the Jeep. “Why not lease?” the demure salesman implied. Lease? I’m not so sure…my dad always said that is a bad deal. “hmm, too bad. Here are the keys to your jeep.” Wait a second…not so fast…what is this lease thing anyway. “It is a way to own a car but, er, pay less for it.” I was hooked. I started to visualize Lisa and I, snowboards externally mounted, piping hot cappuccinos in the cup holder, zipping up the well groomed but twisty highways on our way to Lake Tahoe. Meanwhile, as I day dreamed, the salesman droned on and on about residuals, mileage, and other stuff that I really didn’t care about and wishing that he would just get on with it and give me a pen to sign something. Anything. Just give me the car.

As we drove home in that zippy little motor coach, some of that stuff started to sink in. “What was that about mileage?” I asked Lisa. Not sure, something about 17 cents a mile if you go over our limit. “What is our limit?” I don’t remember…whoa, check it out! Heated Seats!

Well, we were in the hot seat alright. And it was getting hotter.

Hiding My Shoes

I totally knew what the interest rate was, I just did not care. I wanted the car and I wanted it right then and as soon as I found a way to get it I did. I quickly learned that I could do almost anything I wanted while he was gone. The term “living pay check to pay check” was not even applicable for me during this time. Pete was gone, I was having a great time in San Francisco and I did not even have to work that much for it. I scored!! I paid the bills on time, used my waitress money for bridging gaps whenever I ovespent and did whatever I wanted and the thought of saving money was not even on the financial radar screen.

When he did come back everything stayed the same as while he was gone except now we spent money together. I still did all the bills, we still ran out of money before the month was over, and never saved a penny. Pete never really knew what was going on because either did I. The most I ever did to keep track of the money was call the bank every few days to double check on how close to nothing we were getting. I remember never really worrying about anything because I could always pick up an extra shift if we were really tight and wanted to go out. I sensed Pete would be annoyed if I bought a lot of clothes or shoes at one time so I did what any financially sneaky wife did, I just hid things and hoped he would not notice. Not exactly a recipe for building a strong marriage. The thing is I did not know any better. I had been working since I was 15 and nobody ever taught me how to manage money. I liked having money and I liked spending money. I never really got any more attached to it that that because it never stuck around long enough for me to grow fond of it.

The subtle and insidious thing that was going on during all of this was the resentment that was growing between us because of all of this. I was not aware at the time but I viewed Pete as “not being a man” because he was not engaged in our finances (the silly thing is I was barely engaged in our finances). I thought he should take charge and step up but he wasn’t. All the while he was resenting me because he never felt like we had any money and he was bustin’ it on the ship and making a Coast Guard name for himself and I was nickel and diming him to death….oh how the love grew.

After 1 ½ years in Alameda things were about to get even more complicated for us. Pete got accepted into flight school, his ship was deploying for 3 months and I was starting the teaching program at University of West Florida. All of this had to be coordinated, financed and figured out the problem was I was still running our financial show.